hi. so my hiatus wasnt long...but i got tempted to blog damn it...so i decided to create a new blog and stuff....so here is the new blog. update links please =]

H I A T U S

why? personal reasons..i will return in due time...

eargasm: the reason - hoobastank
quotable: "you're scared. i can see it." -jon
eye candy: click here

the weekend was great. saw earl saturday afternoon and spent saturday night celebrating ate princess's birthday. it was fun...i brought bullet along so ate can meet him and so far, so good. watched along came polly and that was a cute movie...went to jeuz's and watched them play with the magic mic...took bullet home and drove home with a smile on my face and tingles running down my spine. that's what he does to me...

and so today, i went to the culver city orchestra with kris. THANKS SO MUCH FOR COMING WITH ME KRIS! it's always fun to drive when kris is in the car! amazingly, we didnt get lost and got there just in time. then we went to jack in the crack and headed to gani's house for his super bowl shindig. i saw bullet...picked up mel...and went back to school kinda upset. eh...it's okay though. im over it...i guess. then nicole and the gang threw krystal [kitty[ a surrpise bday party in their room. it wascrazy! bullet, jp, and gani came so that was a plus. then justine, lauren, and me put cake on kitty's face and she got us back with a vengence...except for justine. you lucky bitch...then bullet came with me to change carrying my keys and my camera cuz i couldnt hold anything due to the enourmous amount of cake on my hands, jacket, face, and hair. bullet helped me get the cake outta my hair [it was a really cute gesture] but i still felt sticky so i took a shower while he played with my laptop. then....we meet up with everyone else, i sadly say my goodnight to the wonderful bullet and head to lauren's room to play taboo. WE WON! wohoo...man...we're good. nehehe..

okay serious mode guys.

so lately, ive been getting all these mixed feelings, which in the end, leaves me completely bewildered and baffled by what my mind and heart has to say. It's as though my heart and mind is at it's own internal warfare fighting for what I should do. It can sometimes be a complete paradox that continues to slowly eat away at my sanity leaving only a smidgen of the reality that I cautiously attempt to hold on to. I wish I could say this could all be so simple but it's a sad, complex world that inevitably throws obstacles in your direction. One day, I feel as though I could do anything and I feel completely free and genuinely happy...then the presence of a certain someone has an odd ability to somehow take away that happiness and trample your rays of sunshine without consciously knowing it. Or maybe they do that with a heartfelt intention of just making you unhappy. How callous would that be though? I don't know...but sometimes, I feel like the person knows what they're doing to me but refuses to come to terms that, yes...you are hurting me.

At this point of my life, im at a crossroad and am deciding whether or not i should cut off any strings and attachments I had...or have...with certain people. As much as I wish to not lose the friendship, I think that the end of our friendship is inexorable. I should have seen it coming but I refused to let the truth peer into my own little world. This complexity is driving me mad but I know that I will soon get over the feeling of immense guilt, loss, and despondency...

Other than the massive confusion that's been circling my mind, I've been extremely elated...much more so than I've ever been in a long while. Sometimes, I find my exhilaration a bit surreal...but I do have to admit that my cheeks have never hurt so much in awhile. I cant help but smile when hear his name. my ears turn red, my hands real sweaty, and my heart beats fast at the sight or even mere thought of him. Gosh...what am I talking about.

Once again...all these feelings and I just don't know what to do with them...im scared...but I guess i'll put them in a bottle and stick it in my pocket and save it for another day.

trusting is a foreign task for me.

hey mister salvador, drive safely. you worried me a bunch today...right when you called me i just wanted to hug you. i am in complete gratitude to God for bringing you and nicole back to us in one piece without any injuries...sheesh...and you call me crazy face! hehe...no worries? definitely not...after all, i believe you.

and to paolo...i love you and im thinking of you. im sorry about what happened on this sad afternoon. you have been constantly in my thoughts and in my prayers...remember to call me if you EVER need a shoulder to cry on or if you just want to sit and be silent. im here for you...

please pray for paolo's family...may God be with them in their time of need.

another thing...i broke 1000 miles on my car today. i was gonna take a picture but i was in a sour mood and forgot...sheesh...

eargasm: no one else comes close - joe
quotable: "i havent seen you this happy in a long time" - max
butt plugs: kris, peter, jeriel, val



tonite was great. sketjkwejtk;wljt;wlejt;we

and...sejhtejt;lwej5rt3ui!!!! and then ;ltjw;ektjkwl;n!!! and and and ;eljjhjwent;3! gosh i feel so weojtwrntnb!!! and i just want to jtwkeljtklw;4jynknh;ylkwrn4y;lkn4y!!!!

nehehe...thank you to jeuz, kris, and jp for serenading me and bullet again.

"Cant fall alseep tonight
I don't know what to do
I hold my pillow but I wanna be holding you
And when close my eyes I always see your face
I know my happiness is only kiss away
And every hour here in the dark
Everyday of my lonely heart
Tells me that I need to be with you
Heaven oh heaven what can I do"

awww...too sweet guys...too sweet. jp has an awesome voice...

skdtjekwjt3kj532!!! because i sle;kjtwljkw43nj5tkq3n!!! and he's just so skgtkwejtkw4nb!!!! i really skrtjnkw;ejtk4wjnt6k43j6j3!!! because selkjtwklejtkw34nt;lkw34jt53!!!!

i cant wait to see you again...

eargasm: foolish heart - nina
quotable: "angela, imagine those 5 minutes that bullet had to go thru after you told him that. geez..." -kris

lastnight was crazy. i said something i shouldnt have and felt like a complete idiot but then i called back and said the opposite of what i meant. ah...i still feel bad...but it's true. i like you.

i talked to kris for the longest time lastnight. by the time we hung up, it was 1:30 or something. geeeez! he's a great person to talk to. you're awesome kris. and remember...she may not see it but someone else will...and that someone will be the luckiest girl ever.

so today, an old friend by the name of derick IMed me out of the blue. it was good catchin up...apparently, he saw me and he said i almost ran him and his freakin dog over when he was crossing the street cuz i was driving too fast. i dont believe him but i have to make it up to the guy. geez...it's weird cuz he literally lives less than 100 steps away from me yet i never see him. odd huh?

this weekend ought to be fun. love of my life, charles is gonna be 19! he's wonderful...i love my best friend. then im going to dinner with some good friends on saturday for ate princess's birthday. i wanna bring someone along but im scared to ask. geez...what a wuss...and plus, he's sick anyway....hmph

i cant wait for microbio lab tomorrow. i just wanna see the results of the cultures we took last week. ooo! i wonder what kind of bacteria and stuff grew in there. how exciting! and did i tell you guys that my lab coat has penguins and polar bears on it?! it's the cutest thing ever...i love it but apprarently, it's too big for me so people often mistake it as a bath robe.

im so excited. did you ask yourself WHY yet?! okay i'll tell you! its because im bringing my car to campus on sunday! ahhh! so exciting! you know what that means?! poetry lounge on tuesday with the bon chon! i hope i get to see mister salvador because then that would just make my week.

i miss baps! yes...BAPS! i miss BAPS terribly...i cant wait to go to the observatory. that would be peachy wonderful.

okay, time to go kiddos. im gonna get some sleep. good night!

---edited at 12:06 am---

eargasm: so beautiful - dashboard confessional
quotable: "damn angela! you're glowing!" -karmin

it's a nice song, bullet. ah...it's just so...beautiful...like you! nehehe =]

this morning started off great. my friends thought i was acting a bit odd due to the fact that i was smiling and greeting everyone "good morning". hey, i cant help it...i was still happy from lastnight. =]

so the day was going really well...morning classes were good...talked to val and she sent me pictures and made me blush. oOoOo...had a grand ol' time with peter, lauren, and mel, then...AND THEN...i met with my advisor.

that's when my ultimate high from the night before came crashing down. i cried my eyes out, talked to jeuz, went to my room, called my parents, and then i got the worst lecture ever...my parents said some things that just made me feel even worse. i just sat and listened...what they said was true. i am a disappointment and as much as i beg and plead for their forgiveness, in their eyes, i'll be their their daughter who is nothing but a "disappointment in the family." but hey, it's okay...i dont blame them. i blame myself. they are right. it is my fault but sometimes, i just wish they didnt express their anger in the form of verbal abuse. the mere use of words and the way it's directed can hurt...i just wish they understood that.

i slept during my free time so i wouldnt have to think about what my parents said then i went to my power yoga/pilates class and it made me feel better. then the fasa meeting just cracked me up so im pretty much in a good mood. im tryin not to think about what happened this afternoon but i know that before bed, the thought will inevitably pop up. oh well...it cant be helped.

alrighty, time to do some homework. and hey val, "elephant shoe" too! you're the sweetest. still got our "secret"? shhh! dont tell. muaha...you and jer are too cool for school. thanks for being so concerned.

yup...good night everyone

---edited---

AzNuPrOcKeR: awwwwww
AzNuPrOcKeR: don't you feel sappy right now
AzNuPrOcKeR: cause i sure do
angela is spiffy: i do...i want to hug bullet
angela is spiffy : =(
AzNuPrOcKeR: haha
AzNuPrOcKeR: me too
AzNuPrOcKeR: i mean (fill in the blank)

here's a little somethin somethin from kris's blog:

"the last time I sang was for Bullet and Angela, (both you guys give me another chance to sing to you guys, I have a great song to sing for both of you). "

how cute huh? hey bullet...we have somethin to look forward to...

im getting kinda scared here. all these feelings and i dont know what to do with them.

quotable: "i like a lot of songs but only one girl!"

the concert tonite was awesome. hmm...let's see if i can name all the bands that performed: the kick, nural, blame the bullet, watashi wa, jupiter sunrise, uhmm..is that it? im not sure. everyone was really good. man...now i know what alyssa is talking about. it was orgasmic.

people who went? jeuz, jon, peter, patricia, and of course, bullet. thank you for driving here to pick us up and then driving us to the concert bullet! and and and! for inviting me to the concert and and and...you're amazing...

tonite was wonderful...i want to sleep but i cant...i dont know why. perhaps im still giddy from tonite...or maybe it's the ringing in my ear thats preventing me to sleep. hmph...

good night!...or good morning...hehe

=]

but wait! before i go,

HAPPY 20th ATE PRINCESS!!

i love you tons you old fart!

eargasm: mr. man - alicia keys
quotable: "have you been shot by the love gun?- jer

so i didnt get to bring my car to school because i got in a lot of trouble over the weekend...

saturday, i didnt come home till about 3 am and yesterday, i didnt get home till about 4:30 am which puts me in a bag that says, "no car". my parents were really angry lastnight cuz i left the house at 3:30 in the afternoon and didnt even bother to call to tell them where i was at. it was my fault. haha...oh well. it doesnt matter because it was all worth it.

so here's what went down:
- left my house and picked up kris from MSMC around 345 or so
- went to the gas station, cleaned my windows, and kris bought me batteries. THANKS MAN!
- went 90 on the freeway, broke some laws, and had bonding time with kris
- arrive at bullet's house
- bullet introduced me to his lola and his little bro
- his little bro is so darn cute
- waited for peple to arrive
- everyone got there [jeuz, nicole, gani, abe, vince, ken, kris, val]
- i decided to drive
- val, jeuz, kris, and bullet ride with me
- everyone was scared of my driving and said a prayer in the car
- everyone except bullet because apparently, we drive similarly
- got to the theatre
- watched the butterfly effect
- great movie...even if youre sitting in the second row of the theatre with your head looking up the whole time and leaving with your neck sore all because there were no seats
- we hang out outside the theatre
- bullet went with me to move my car
- went to dennys
- made bullet a sandwich that consisted of brownie, cilantro, hash brown, and egg in a biscuit
- went to val's house
- played pool and horse
- bullet's hands are cold because he gets cold easily
- went inside
- kris and val serenaded bullet and me
- jp has a nice voice
- bullet and i stayed on the couch watching them
- watched the 8th grade grad of st. gens
- fell asleep on bullet a couple of times
- left around 4 am
- dropped kris and bullet off
- got home in 10 minutes because i was going 110 mph on the 5
- went to bed with a smile on my face

it's been really fun...im loving every minute of it. i havent been so genuinely happy and so excited to just see someone in quite a long time.

HE ROCKS MY SOCKS...=]

it's so windy outside...gee wiz.

kris and peter just stopped by. it's always great with those two. HEY GUYS...I KNOW YOU'RE READING THIS. kris was telling me stuff today and i kept laughing....but in a good way. you know...like one of those laughs. know what i mean jelly bean? no? okay...never mind then. my pillow smells like you kris. thanks a fucking lot you jerk. just kidding.

tomorrow is another day. i think im gonna sleep now. or maybe just stare at the ceiling and think about you know...how my day will be tomorrow. HAHA! tricked you. =] good night everyone

"Like the way you've given me attention through the nite
Maybe I've had too much for me, my man's right by my side
Everytime I catch you watchin' me I feel somethin' down my spine
I play the game, it's just for fun and only for tonite

I wanna know what makes you feel the way you do
I think you hopin' theres a chance for me and you
Should I meet you at the bar and say we can't?
cuz i dont wanna be
i dont wanna be unfair to mr. man.."